Confessions of a Software Engineer
I don’t know if it can get much more embarrassing than crying at work.
Oh no, wait—yes it can. Crying at a workplace where you’re the only woman for miles around is worse. And doing it in front of your boss. And having to talk about it for the next week. Well, that’s my crying story. Hey, everyone’s got one, right? Right??
In my case, it came at the end of a stressful and frantic week when it seemed like I couldn’t do anything right. A piece of my code had a bug. Stupid, annoying bug. Software had to be rolled back, customers reassured. It was a whole big thing.
After I fixed up the code, I went through a few rounds of “you suck” meetings. What was wrong with me? How could I have been so careless? I had to explain to group of managers exactly what the problem was and why I didn’t catch it before. I was up every night that week—working, worrying, and wondering whether I even belong in this profession.
At the end of all this, a senior manager asked me to send an e-mail to the entire company explaining the bug. Ughhhh, really? Do I have to? Yes, really. I really had to.
So I composed a mea culpa, previewed it to another manager, swallowed my pride, and hit “send.” Not five minutes later, another senior manager (my boss’s boss) pulled me aside to tell me how inappropriate the e-mail was—not the intent of it, but the tone. He was upset with the way it was worded. Apparently, I had humiliated myself incorrectly.
Well, that was too much for me. The tears came, and I couldn’t choke them back. That I managed not to out-and-out sob was the only victory of the day. I hoped that Boss would discreetly back off and leave me to my embarrassment, but he had me cornered in my office and just kept… on… talking. Luckily, it was late in the day and no one else was really around. After apologizing as coherently as I could, I headed right for home.
The next week, I had several conversations with all kinds of managers who kept asking to talk to me about the encounter. Some were of the “are you okay?” variety, and some were still on the “you suck” thread of the week before. I endured similar conversations with my fellow engineers as well. Apparently, word had gotten around.
The bug itself I have long since gotten over. Bugs happen. But the crying at work? My brain still hangs on to that one, hauling the memory out every now and then so I can re-live it. It will fade eventually, I’m sure, and I’m really looking forward to that day.
Have you ever cried at work? How did you handle it?
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Title IX Celebrates 38 Years
Growing up, did you play sports—-little league, soccer, maybe lacrosse? Maybe you’re a college player, or casual pickup gamer? No matter how you express your inner athlete, chances are that you have Title IX to thank, at least in part. That groundbreaking legislation created tremendous opportunities for women in sports. Its intention is not limited to sports alone, however, but aims at sex-based discrimination in all areas, including science and academics.
Title IX has been unambiguously successful. This past Wednesday marked the 38th anniversary of its passage, and in that time it has had a huge and direct impact on women’s participation in sports. Since Title IX passed in 1972, we have seen a 400 percent increase in the rate of female participation in college sports and a 800 percent increase in the rate of female participation in high school sports. Seriously. 800 percent.
I truly appreciate the barriers broken by enactment of Title IX. Without it, my high school might not have had the field hockey team I played sweep for, or the basketball team I warmed the bench for. I was no jock, but I loved being part of a team (especially when we won. Go Wasps!).
Title IX is not only about sports, however. It’s a broad law that bars sex-based discrimination from any institution receiving federal funding. Sports gets the attention, but the law absolutely includes academics as well.
Given the current proportion of women in science and engineering, we have a ways to go before we achieve parity between the sexes. In 2008, women accounted for only 17.5% of all Bachelor’s degrees awarded in my beloved field of Computer Science. Although that number is down from a high of 27.3% in 2002, it is vastly improved from our 9% share back in 1978.
It’s not parity I’m yearning for, though; I’m after equal opportunity. Title IX is—and has always been—about creating opportunities for women and girls. Prior to its passage, conventional wisdom held that girls weren’t interested in sports or “masculine” endeavors. Once we got the chance, though, we stormed the field. The storming hasn’t fully happened yet in science and engineering, but I believe it will some day. As we celebrate the anniversary of Title IX, I see the path forged by women athletes and hope that women scientists may yet follow.
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Women Leaving Science and Engineering - Tips for balancing work & home life
Last week, Forbes magazine published an article regarding why women leave science and engineering. Among other significant factors, such as pay and promotion disparities, they cite a force in driving women out of the field that really hits home with me: work hours.
We work long hours in science and engineering, no question about that. We work early, late, at home, on the weekends, and on vacation. I’ve worked on planes (Efficient? Yeah, but I’d rather sleep.) and in Vegas hotels. Maybe we don’t work longer or harder than folks in other fields, but we necessarily have state-of-the-art technology and communication tools for our jobs, and we’re expected to use them even in our off hours.
I’m not perfect at balancing work and home, but I’ve learned a few things during my time as a software engineer, both from my own experience and from others’. Here are some ideas:
- Implicitly establish your hours. Set a precedent that you leave at X o’clock every day, and that you are unavailable in the evenings. As long as you’re performing well, your colleagues and boss will get used to your established availability—even in a workplace that values “face time.”
- Explicitly establish your hours. When you’re leaving for vacation, send a note to your colleagues that you’ll be offline during that time. When you’re working closely with a group on a hectic, high-profile project, let them know you’ll answer late-night emails or convene with the group first thing in the morning.
- If you can, shorten your commute. Move closer to work or find a job closer to home. A shorter commute means a shorter, easier day. I myself desperately need to heed this advice, with a San Francisco-to-Silicon Valley journey via bicycle and train that takes nearly 3 hours out of my day.
- Lie a little. Just a little! A tiny fib can make your life a little bit easier—you have plans, you don’t have access to email, whatever. If a half-truth will help you out, you have my permission to lay it on.
- Don’t feel guilty. You’re doing your job, and you’re probably doing it well. The company isn’t going to lose anything if you don’t answer midnight e-mails.
All of these approaches are easier said than done, and all of them
take a bit of chutzpah. But once you get caught in an expectation of
being always-available and putting in over-the-top hours, it’s hard to
break out of it—and that’s when women leave our field for something that seems more appealing.
Why do our hours help drive women out of the field, but not men? It could be that we have an egalitarian situation where both genders work the same number of hours, but it hits women harder. After all, surveys show that we still do twice as much housework as our husbands, a responsibility that makes it tougher to bring work home with us. On the other hand, maybe we have to put in more time than our male colleagues to create the perception that we’re working equally hard.
At my job, I’ve felt it’s a little of both. Sometimes I resolve to go home early, not check in over the weekend, and that always seems to be the day that my boss asks me, “Can you get this done by Monday?” He asks that on Friday. If I follow my own advice, maybe that can change.
Are you always-available when it comes to work? How have you put limits on your time?
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Celebrating Young Women in Computing
Recently, I reviewed four applications for the NCWIT Award for Aspirations in Technology. The NCWIT Award acknowledges the computing achievements and aspirations of young women and generates visibility for women’s participation in computing-related pursuits. High school girls all over the country apply for this award, and I served as one of many reviewers for the Bay Area affiliate.
Although the the award is meant to inspire young women to achieve in computing, I found the young women inspiring me. The applications I reviewed tell stories of girls building robots and designing videogames. They lead their fellow students in workshops and mentor younger students. They take AP computer science courses during the school year and programming classes in the summer. Although you would expect that any high school student applying for this type of award is going to be an achiever, it was heartening to read about the dedication they have to computer science, mathematics, and robotics—not only in the learning, but in passing that dedication on to others. The applicants’ enthusiasm shone through to me, and I’m sure it does to their communities as well.
These young women, who I got to know a little through their application essays, had an impact on me. I hope that all of them continue to be interested in and enthusiastic about computing. Although I worry about the state of our field, with far too small a fraction of computer science and engineering degrees going to women, it’s hard not to be optimistic about our future after the NCWIT
awards. The next generation of women in our field is going to be amazing.
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Congressional Visit Day 2010 - opportunity for scientists & engineers to impact science policy issues
When you think of IEEE, you tend to think of conferences, standards, and publications, right? A professional organization for scientists and engineers, pretty typical and pretty science-focused. Until recently, I didn’t know that IEEE has a slick, professional public policy arm as well. Their political operatives whose advocate for science and engineering policies at various levels of government. IEEE is one of several organizations that participates in Congressional Visit Day (CVD), an opportunity for scientists and engineers to have an impact on science policy issues.
If you’ve never had the chance to visit your congressional representatives, I highly recommend it—though it sounds a little wonkish, it’s actually a really fun time. For this year’s CVD, I visited Washington, D.C., along with around 50 other members of IEEE from all over the country. I’ve written to and called my congresswoman, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, before (and she always writes back), but being backed by IEEE, with 40,000 members in my home state of California alone, definitely added some gravitas to my visit. I didn’t quite know what to expect at CVD, but the congressional staffers definitely took us seriously and it felt like we got to have a real impact.
IEEE split us into groups based on our home states. My three-person California delegation met with staffers from the offices of Senators Feinstein and Boxer, and Representatives Waxman and Pelosi. It was especially exciting to visit Nancy Pelosi’s office. She’s been a strong supporter of scientific research over the years, as well as of women in science issues, and it was kind of a trip to see the Speaker’s office in person. We even got to leave behind the congressional offices and venture into the majestic Capitol Building for that meeting. (My excitement was dampened a bit when it took me three tries and twenty minutes to get through security. No food or drinks allowed, and who knew how many squished-up granola bars were hidden away in my laptop bag?)
Accompanying us for all the meetings was an IEEE staffer, a professional lobbyist named Russ who really knows his stuff. He was a great help through the whole thing—the calm, knowledgeable political operative surrounded by spazzy engineers. We mostly advocated for the America COMPETES Act, which aims to double funding for basic scientific research in three federal agencies. It initially passed three years ago but is up for reauthorization. By the end of our meetings, the COMPETES Act had been approved by the House Science and Technology Committee—and since we left it’s been introduced on the floor, pulled from the floor, and reintroduced. I don’t know what’s ultimately going to happen with the bill, but it was exhilirating to depart from my usual Silicon Valley engineer role to play a small part in advocating for it in Washington.
Have you ever met with your congressional representatives? Would you like to? What would or did you talk about?
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