Confessions of a Software Engineer
I don’t know if it can get much more embarrassing than crying at work.
Oh no, wait—yes it can. Crying at a workplace where you’re the only woman for miles around is worse. And doing it in front of your boss. And having to talk about it for the next week. Well, that’s my crying story. Hey, everyone’s got one, right? Right??
In my case, it came at the end of a stressful and frantic week when it seemed like I couldn’t do anything right. A piece of my code had a bug. Stupid, annoying bug. Software had to be rolled back, customers reassured. It was a whole big thing.
After I fixed up the code, I went through a few rounds of “you suck” meetings. What was wrong with me? How could I have been so careless? I had to explain to group of managers exactly what the problem was and why I didn’t catch it before. I was up every night that week—working, worrying, and wondering whether I even belong in this profession.
At the end of all this, a senior manager asked me to send an e-mail to the entire company explaining the bug. Ughhhh, really? Do I have to? Yes, really. I really had to.
So I composed a mea culpa, previewed it to another manager, swallowed my pride, and hit “send.” Not five minutes later, another senior manager (my boss’s boss) pulled me aside to tell me how inappropriate the e-mail was—not the intent of it, but the tone. He was upset with the way it was worded. Apparently, I had humiliated myself incorrectly.
Well, that was too much for me. The tears came, and I couldn’t choke them back. That I managed not to out-and-out sob was the only victory of the day. I hoped that Boss would discreetly back off and leave me to my embarrassment, but he had me cornered in my office and just kept… on… talking. Luckily, it was late in the day and no one else was really around. After apologizing as coherently as I could, I headed right for home.
The next week, I had several conversations with all kinds of managers who kept asking to talk to me about the encounter. Some were of the “are you okay?” variety, and some were still on the “you suck” thread of the week before. I endured similar conversations with my fellow engineers as well. Apparently, word had gotten around.
The bug itself I have long since gotten over. Bugs happen. But the crying at work? My brain still hangs on to that one, hauling the memory out every now and then so I can re-live it. It will fade eventually, I’m sure, and I’m really looking forward to that day.
Have you ever cried at work? How did you handle it?
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Women Leaving Science and Engineering - Tips for balancing work & home life
Last week, Forbes magazine published an article regarding why women leave science and engineering. Among other significant factors, such as pay and promotion disparities, they cite a force in driving women out of the field that really hits home with me: work hours.
We work long hours in science and engineering, no question about that. We work early, late, at home, on the weekends, and on vacation. I’ve worked on planes (Efficient? Yeah, but I’d rather sleep.) and in Vegas hotels. Maybe we don’t work longer or harder than folks in other fields, but we necessarily have state-of-the-art technology and communication tools for our jobs, and we’re expected to use them even in our off hours.
I’m not perfect at balancing work and home, but I’ve learned a few things during my time as a software engineer, both from my own experience and from others’. Here are some ideas:
- Implicitly establish your hours. Set a precedent that you leave at X o’clock every day, and that you are unavailable in the evenings. As long as you’re performing well, your colleagues and boss will get used to your established availability—even in a workplace that values “face time.”
- Explicitly establish your hours. When you’re leaving for vacation, send a note to your colleagues that you’ll be offline during that time. When you’re working closely with a group on a hectic, high-profile project, let them know you’ll answer late-night emails or convene with the group first thing in the morning.
- If you can, shorten your commute. Move closer to work or find a job closer to home. A shorter commute means a shorter, easier day. I myself desperately need to heed this advice, with a San Francisco-to-Silicon Valley journey via bicycle and train that takes nearly 3 hours out of my day.
- Lie a little. Just a little! A tiny fib can make your life a little bit easier—you have plans, you don’t have access to email, whatever. If a half-truth will help you out, you have my permission to lay it on.
- Don’t feel guilty. You’re doing your job, and you’re probably doing it well. The company isn’t going to lose anything if you don’t answer midnight e-mails.
All of these approaches are easier said than done, and all of them
take a bit of chutzpah. But once you get caught in an expectation of
being always-available and putting in over-the-top hours, it’s hard to
break out of it—and that’s when women leave our field for something that seems more appealing.
Why do our hours help drive women out of the field, but not men? It could be that we have an egalitarian situation where both genders work the same number of hours, but it hits women harder. After all, surveys show that we still do twice as much housework as our husbands, a responsibility that makes it tougher to bring work home with us. On the other hand, maybe we have to put in more time than our male colleagues to create the perception that we’re working equally hard.
At my job, I’ve felt it’s a little of both. Sometimes I resolve to go home early, not check in over the weekend, and that always seems to be the day that my boss asks me, “Can you get this done by Monday?” He asks that on Friday. If I follow my own advice, maybe that can change.
Are you always-available when it comes to work? How have you put limits on your time?
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The Advantages of a Virtual Workplace
While the recession runs its course around the world, it is good to know that companies are taking advantage of the virtual workplace. For many industries, it makes sense to have people work from home for at least part of the week. It saves companies money and helps retain their employee base at the same time. As a contractor myself, I wonder about some of the companies I worked for in the past. While I am glad that my assignments with them are complete, I know there are those who would have liked to continue with our past employers on some level. Instead, they call people to come in for a short period of time, let them go, and then call them back several months later, if they are still available. I understand the need for seasonal contractors, but when I have observed how much some of these companies have lost money on completely superfluous expenses, it boggles my mind at how willing they are to let go of talented people as a consequence.
Companies like IBM and Sun Microsystems seem to know how to make their virtual workplaces work for them and their productivity. What I see as the ideal virtual workplace is one in which the employer and employee have trust in one another, and have no desire to abuse that trust. It is where an employee works hard, but knows when to stop each day, and the employer gives freedom to the employee to have a personal life, without compromising the work flow. I also see a good virtual workplace as one that allows employers and employees to have face time with one another, and that doesn’t include web conferences. It is easy to feel disconnected from others you work for or work with if you never see them.
So while some people might think being in a virtual workplace lacks structure and growth for a company, I saw they are wrong. Virtual workplaces are here to stay, and will continue to grow throughout the economies around the world.
What are your thoughts on the virtual workplace?
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A Global Cyber War?
It isn’t news that the Internet is both an incredibly informative and extremely chaotic virtual space. Like millions of others, it is highly unusual for me to go one day without checking email or doing a Google search. I am dependent on the World Wide Web; I would like to think that if I was in a remote location for an extended period of time where Internet access is limited, I would be satisfied with going online once a week, at least. The thought of such sparse contact might frighten most, but I would welcome it, if I didn’t have anything urgent to take care of.
Why do I bring up the possibility of the lack of access to the Internet? When I heard the news about cyber attacks originating from North Korea, I started to think seriously about what I would do if I could no longer go online without being besieged by maliciously created viruses. The isolated and angry dictatorship seems to be doing its best to launch attacks on South Korea and its allies in any way they can. Could a “cyber war” be in our imminent future? While no lives might be lost in this situation, such an event would definitely damage people’s abilities to communicate and acquire knowledge on any topic in a speedy (yet concise) manner.
How should we prepare ourselves for the devastating possibilities of a global “cyber war?” The first suggestion that comes to mind is to keep hard copies of all important documents, images, emails, and any necessary contact information you may need at any time. The other suggestion is to keep posted on the news, without becoming pre-occupied or too nostalgic about the past. Both of these steps are very important when preparing for the worst.
Still, I don’t think that we should become too paranoid and scared about a possible situation. It is hard achieve some sort of balance, but it can be done—at least I hope so.
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When Face Time Trumps the Internet
As one of millions who are chained to their computers, I sometimes lament the lack of “face time” I have with friends and family. Sure, Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, LinkedIn, and all the social and professional networking sites out there are great when bridging the gaps between people and their organizations for various purposes, but I really do relish my interpersonal interactions with people for the first or one hundredth time. We need our computers to do all the “heavy lifting” when it comes to discovering, locating, and maintaining contacts. Looking someone in the eye and using our instincts are precious assets that we as human beings should encourage in ourselves and in others, no matter how many networking sites we join, or how many online chats we have.
At The Women’s Mosaic Book Club meeting on June 17, I realized how much I miss meeting people without the aid of the Internet. Yes, I was emailed about the event and it is posted on the non-profit organization’s web site, but once we came met at the designated location and introductions were made, we went right into the discussion of plot, characters, and themes with no difficulties or awkwardness. It was the first time I remember not noticing anyone constantly checking their phone for messages until our meeting was over. As a book club “newbie,” I was pleasantly reminded of how great it is to share thoughts and ideas with people in a comfortable setting. We were occasionally photographed and video taped for promotional purposes, but this never distracted us from our group conversation. I met people who share my interests, and I hope to meet them again in the future.
So while online book clubs (like Oprah’s Book Club, for example) are great because of the numbers of people that join through the Internet, I’ll take the monthly meetings in an Italian café this summer. Nothing beats meeting people in person…most of the time.
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