A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of. ~ Jane Austen

Money doesn’t buy happiness – or maybe it does ???

This is a question that has been on my mind, because I have noticed a widening chasm between the happiness of the “haves, and those that have less”. People who are comfortable financially and are financially stable seem to be MUCH happier than those who are not, they seem unscathed from the stress of these difficult times. Is their money like an invisible shield that keeps unhappiness at bay?

As the middle class dwindles, and the overall happiness rating in the US drops, I wonder if happiness will be reserved for the 1% of our country OR will we be challenged as a society to redefine happiness? 

There is no doubt that across the board a desire to be happy is prevalent in not just the US, but in our Western culture, and a happy life is very much the preferred life. People who are considered successful, have influence, economic power, stability and tend to be happy.

In a study conducted in Britain, by the Institute of Economic Affairs called “The Pursuit of Happiness”, determined a direct correlation between happiness levels and the amount of wealth a person has accumulated. The study goes as far as to say that CASH can make us happy – and that CASH, is the most important factor in a person’s happiness.

Another study conducted at Princeton, goes as far as to claim that the threshold in the US for happiness is a $75,000 household income (even in high-cost cities), the study analyzed information gathered from 450,000 responses to the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index (GHWBI).  

Money is human happiness in the abstract; he, then, who is no longer capable of enjoying human happiness in the concrete devotes himself utterly to money.
~ Arthur Schopenhauer

The big question is - Does happiness lead to success or does success lead to happiness?

Continue Reading “Money doesn’t buy happiness – or maybe it does ????”

Civility in America should be an inalienable right. Americans have a right to defend their names and explain their actions and opinions, but the increasing unruliness in the public square is worrisome and demands attention and new solutions.
~ Jack Leslie, Chairman of Weber Shandwick

This time of year tends to bring out the best and worst in all of us, we are constantly reminded to do good throughout the holiday season, starting with Thanksgiving and ending somewhere around New Year’s Day. These holidays remind us that we are ALL humans, sharing this little planet we call earth.  

However, lately I have noted a disturbing trend of incivility, at the workplace and everywhere. Sometimes, the consequences of these acts culminates in injury and the loss of life, as we have witnessed during Black Friday’s most popularized incidents of pepper-spray and blood in the shopping aisles. These type of incidents where not isolated, and in fact there are reports of this happening from coast to coast, one of the worst was in a mall parking lot near Atlanta, GA where two men got into a parking spot altercation and one shot the other dead. 

Watching this video makes me think of how sharks react during a feeding frenzy.

In fact, according to the study “Civility in America 2011″ conducted by KRC Research, most Americans report they have been victims of incivility (86%). Their most common encounters with rude or disrespectful behavior come while driving (72%) or shopping (65%).

The study also reveals that Americans admit to perpetrating incivility — approximately six in 10 (59%) Americans acknowledge that they themselves have been uncivil.

It’s not only in the shopping mall, but also in professional exchanges that I have noticed ruder language and uncivil behaviors, on occasion leading to violence. The Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) defines incivility as “seemingly inconsequential inconsiderate words and deeds that violate conventional workplace conduct.” The study found that 86% of Americans report they have been victims of incivility. The same survey also found that over a third of the respondents believe incivility in the workplace is on the rise.

I have also heard from jobseekers who are experiencing a tremendous amount of incivility from recruiters and employers alike – and it’s not just the unanswered phone calls and questions, it’s just plain rude responses, with a total lack of compassion. Often times people mask their rude behavior by saying something like “it’s my honest opinion” “I’m going to give it to you straight” etc.

Incivility can come from co-workers or the public sector, in the 2009 Institute of Education Science (IES) School Principal Survey on Crime and Safety, approximately 11% of school principals reported that students were verbally abusive to their middle and high school teachers.

The cost of rudeness and incivility

In the 2009 book The Cost of Bad Behavior: How Incivility Is Damaging Your Business and What To Do About It, my former Thunderbird Professor Christine Pearson and Christine Porath say that the problem of incivility in the workplace has been compounded by our increasing tolerance of nasty behavior as a culture.

Surveys by researchers Porath and Erez, indicate that in the workforce, after experiencing rudeness most people lose time and focus, work less and slack off more, and think more about leaving the organization. In addition, 94% of people get even with the rude person or with their organization (88%). 

Does this have a deeper meaning?

The latest scientific research backs up with detailed molecular and cellular mechanisms what June Cleaver (and we) always knew intuitively, that through adolescence, the human brain is molded by the social environment in which a child is reared. A disrespectful, stressful social environment is a neurotoxin for the brain and psyche, and the scars are permanent.
~ Dr. Douglas Fields Neurobiologist; Author, The Other Brain

 

1. Are common courtesy civility, manners, and politeness a thing of the past?
2. Are Americans becoming ruder as the economy is spiraling downward?
3. What happened to our society?

According to Neurologist Dr. Douglas Fields – people (and animals) living together in large numbers must develop strict formalized behaviors governing interactions between all individuals in the group, or there will be strife and chaos. …. “The formal “Yes, Sir, Yes, Ma’am,” is not a showy embellishment in the military; strict respect and formal polite discourse are the hub of the wheel in any effective and cohesive social structure. Stress is a neurotoxin, especially during development of a child’s brain.

During the last 2 years I have traveled extensively, and I am always “shocked” when I encounter a polite culture – it would seem that even the French are far more civil and polite than we are. But it wasn’t always like this, when I was in school we where taught manners and etiquette at a young age, and respect for adults – this is unheard of today – so I hold little hope for the pendulum to swing back any time soon.

So what’s the answer?

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime. ~ Mark Twain

Even though our “society” is becoming ruder, I am trying to stay on track leading with kindness, consideration and respect in business – OK, I don’t always succeed. Not only does this feel right to me, and is in line with my core values, but I believe that people who demonstrate decency and kindness have better relationships. In the end, the kind person wins over the people who have a continual “attitude”. 

When people are consistently rude, it’s important to call them out on it. If it entails common courtesy, it’s usually best to deal with it one on one, but if it involves actions potentially perceived as bullying or harassment, it’s a good idea to get human resources, involved.

Take a moment, smile and be kind – it NEVER hurts. 

Don’t get a “job”, create a life and career you love – why not?

I’ve done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I’ve complained about, I can’t complain about my life…….. And all this time I’ve been paid to say what is on my mind on television, you don’t get any luckier in life than that.
~ Andy Rooney

One of the things that struck me during the coverage of Andy Rooney’s life and passing, was his resolute claim that he did what he loved professionally for 70 years – and in fact he did it right up to his passing at the age of 92. Some would say that he was one of the privileged few, but I say why not do something you love to do professionally? why shouldn’t we all do what we love?

Living your life’s passion can not only be extremely rewarding but can lead to prosperity. Interestingly, most creative professionals that I know, will tell you that they do what they love – why can’t this be true for everyone?

Watch Gary Vaynerchuk’s funny and inspiring video. Gary is a 35 year old New York Times and Wall Street Journal Best-Selling author and a self-trained wine and social media expert, and the founder of Winelibrary.com.

Gary Vaynerchuk: Do what you love (no excuses!) TED Talk

This video contains (mostly) adult language

Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life.
~ Wayne Dyer

Have you asked yourself:  What do you love to do? What do you care about? What sparks you? Find your niche, whether it’s working for a non-profit or becoming an entrepreneur creating a company based on your passion?

1. Is there something you already love doing, a hobby? 
2. Care about your self first – figure out what you love and then do it.
3. Study the market carefully and you will find opportunities. Consider conducting a market survey with potential customers to uncover untapped needs, position yourself to succeed

I am not suggesting that you leave your great paying job tomorrow …. but really think about it, plan it and pursue it. Start in small steps, and work on pursuing your passion after you leave the job you are lukewarm about.

Here are 3 stories of people I know who are pursuing their passions:

People might tell you, you can’t do it, you will starve – well I am here to tell you that you can! Here are 3 stories, of people that I personally know, who are making a go at it in 3 very different ways.

• Molly Butler, someone I know in Atlanta was just laid off – she actually enjoyed her full-time job, but her true love is pets. This past year she started Wag & Purr, a pet sitting services she was growing on the side. Now, it’s a no brainer, the passion she had as a side business will most certainly grow and provide her a great income – because she loves it. 

• I have a friend who has been a writer his entire career – he has written for major publications, the news – you name it. But recently he started working on writing a book about 2 of his great loves – Sports and cooking.  There is no doubt in my mind that this venture will be successful, because his passion makes him a credible source, that and the fact that there are so few cookbooks geared to men. 

• Rob Mazze was a well respected Executive at a large New York advertising agency, who got laid off less than 2 years ago. When that happened, he went through a period of introspection about WHAT to do next, and decided to follow his passion for yoga, (which he regularly practiced for 20 yrs.). He enrolled in the teacher training program at Yoga to the People and is now registered as an instructor by the Yoga Alliance. Keep in mind that he went from a highly paid executive job to being a student and re-building his career and income. In a very short time he has built a private clientele as well as regularly instructing at several studios. I have no doubt that his business will grow, and if he chooses he will soon be running his own studio.  

These are just a few of the stories I know personally, you get the idea …. define yourself by your passion, build your business based on that definition and you will have an instant brand for yourself and your business, and that is something that potential customers are naturally drawn to.

Passion is important, especially in your work life since we spend an average of 8270 hours a year at work – and I will tell you that entrepreneurs typically spend much more than that. Be in control of your own future and create the opportunities to do what you love!

You cannot solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it. You must learn to see the world anew.
~ Albert Einstein

Occupy your mind – Attracting and creating opportunity

The global “Occupy” movement has been on my mind a great deal lately, it disturbs me to the core, I understand the anger – at times, I am angry too. I am not a liberal, conservative, communist, a tea partier or a socialist, now that we got that out of the way – my feelings, hopes and dreams about this country, simply do not fit into any of those little categories. Like the occupiers, I want a renewed democracy, prosperity, and to restore “The American Dream” to it’s rightful glory.

I do not resent wealth or wealthy individuals – I like money! What I resent, and in fact detest, are those individuals and institutions who have set about to kill the dream, and the dishonest means by which wealth has been achieved and rewarded in this country, and those that made “Greed is Good” a mantra for Wall Street ……. But, I am not choosing to occupy Wall Street – instead, I choose to focus my energies on creating my own wealth …. doing so ethically and honestly, as an example to others, and supporting those who will pursue the same. 

It’s a sad commentary that the general public is actually better versed in Kim and Kourtney Kardashian’s antics than our nation’s politics ….. that has got to change …. perhaps that will be one of the things that the “Occupy” movement will achieve. But it’s time to focus the “Occupy” tactics on what is sorely needed – jobs that pay a decent wage, and hope for those who have been struggling. 

I support the intent of the “Occupy” movement because…..

1. The “Occupy”  movement is a wake up call to American business.
2. It is an escape valve for those who have had to endure this crisis on their backs.
3. Protesting is a way to generate change – we need it in order to save the middle class. 
4. It is our right as guaranteed in the Bill of rights – which includes the phrase “the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

A Humanitarian Mission to the ”Occupy” movement

I have a dear friend, Maria Caso, who is a certified Life Coach and grief recovery specialist. She went to the occupy Wall Street encampment together with a number of other Coaches, in the camp they set up a table, and spent an entire weekend offering advice and coaching. They considered this a humanitarian mission – offering their expertise and knowledge for free. She told me that besides the incredible stench (this was in the heat of September) the one thing that struck her was the palpable lack of hope. This lack of hope, is something that will remain in our country’s psyche for a long time …..  

Why aren’t employers coming to the movement to get people back to work?

If I where a business owner, I would take this opportunity to go down to those “Occupy”  encampments and get people back to work, you might find the next innovator for your company right there. The occupiers are obviously thinking differently, and that is exactly what American businesses need right now – people who will think in new ways.

At least one company is trying to do something of significance to get people back to work, starting November 1, the Starbucks Foundation, is teaming up to initially fund the “Create Jobs for USA program”. The purpose will be to provide loans to under-served community businesses, including small businesses, micro-enterprises, nonprofit organizations, commercial real estate, and affordable housing. 

How do we challenge other employers and lending institutions to get down to those encampments and get people back to work? …… I see this as an opportunity, that is being missed – but why? I would like to know the answers to these questions…. and I would like to see the energy of the “Occupy” movement spent on attracting and creating opportunity, and hope that the protest is the beginning of the process of change.

Besides creating good jobs, the “Occupy” movement has the groundswell and momentum to create a platform where to engage big business – starting perhaps with a manifesto of ethics and standards. The time is now, there is an opportunity to create a place to initiate the dialogue that will lead to the changes that the world wants to see.

The “Occupy” movement will be on our minds for a long time. But will camping in a park in unsanitary conditions indefinitely, with no real actionable agenda, help the movement achieve it’s goals? At the very least, I hope that the “Occupy” movement will spark the dialogue and action that is necessary to ignite the changes that will get people back to work! 

We should be careful and discriminating in all the advice we give. We should be especially careful in giving advice that we would not think of following ourselves. Most of all, we ought to avoid giving counsel which we don’t follow when it damages those who take us at our word. ~ Adlai Stevenson

Passing on good advice to other women is so important, and I have been thinking of what good advice to pass on to my niece Caroline who is now 14, it’s been my job to do this, since her mom passed away. This list of “100 things a woman should know, remember and pass on” is a work in progress, and I hope that when the time is right it will serve her well as she transitions from her teen years into adulthood. I think it’s a good list to reflect upon, and remember some important advice…..

Part of the reason [motherly advice] bugs us as daughters is because our mothers are so powerful in our lives. They loom like giants. The reason mothers keep at it is because they’re so powerless. They cannot get you to do what is so obvious to them you should do. ~ Deborah Tannen

100 things a woman should know, remember and pass on

1. Always judge people by their ACTIONS NOT THEIR WORDS.
2. BE KIND, most importantly to yourself.
3. LIVE IN THE MOMENT, don’t waste your time on would have, should haves.
4. Don’t fear FAILURE – it will provide the most important life lessons.
5. LISTEN…..
6. HELP THOSE who are less fortunate.
7. GRIEVING can last a moment or a lifetime – it’s OK.
8. DON’T GOSSIP.
9. BE PASSIONATE.
10. SHAKE HANDS FIRMLY – it shows confidence.
11. BE CONFIDENT IN YOUR BODY – no matter what the women’s magazines say.
12. Be able to beat the crap out of any man – to PROTECT YOURSELF.
13. Know that for EVERY ACTION there is a REACTION.
14. Have a POINT A VIEW.
15. DON’T TRY AND CHANGE ANYONE, acceptance is part of love.
16. Know how to ACCEPT HELP and say THANK YOU.
17. WHEN IN DOUBT – ASK.
18. KNOW HOW TO USE POWERTOOLS and regular tools.
19. KNOW HOW TO SHOP A SALE.
20. LOVE YOUR FAMILY, you can’t pick them, they are part of who you are.
21. Get someone else to CHANGE YOUR FLAT TIRE.
22. BE GRACIOUS – even when you get a hideous gift from your grandmother.
23. GO FOR WHAT YOU WANT, don’t wait to be offered.
24. LET YOUR FREAK FLAG FLY, it’s OK to be different, embrace it.
25. DO ANYTHING ON YOUR OWN if necessary, and be OK with being alone.
26. PEOPLE ARE NOT MIND READERS …..especially NOT men.
27. BE FEARLESS.
28. MOST MEN WANT TO BED YOU. Men think about sex 13 times a day, while women only 5 times day – see what I mean.
29. THINK CRITICALLY and be able to discern biases and basic assumptions.
30. SAY “NO” – WITH FORCE.
31. ASK FOR HELP WHEN YOU NEED IT, don’t be afraid to ask for it.
32. DON’T ASSUME ANYTHING – take the time to look at things from both sides.
33. IT’S OK TO DISAGREE WITH SOMEONE, do so politely and convincingly.
34. REMAIN CALM and aware during a crisis.
35. YOUR HEART WILL BE BROKEN, but time heals all wounds.
36. When a love affair is over – you can’t go back to being “JUST FRIENDS”.
37. YOU ARE UNIQUE AND SPECIAL, a one of a kind creation.
38. ALWAYS HAVE A LITTLE BLACK DRESS on hand – it can save you!
39. When YOU ASK A QUESTION, ALWAYS BE PREPARED FOR THE ANSWER.
40. CONFIDENCE IS SEXY - if a man doesn’t see that, he is not right for you.
41. YOU WILL GET OLD - own and admire every line and wrinkle.
42. Don’t say I’M SORRY” OR I LOVE YOU, unless you really mean it.
43. BE CENTERED, and when you feel off center, learn how to get back on track.
44. SEX IS OK, as long as you are in a caring, MONOGAMOUS relationship.
45. IF YOU DON’T ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT, the answer is always NO.
46. DON’T TRUST EVERYTHING YOU READ.
47. GO FOR YOUR DREAMS – at any age.
48. BUILD YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM - it’s important in case of an emergency.
49. DON’T EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN when you help someone else.
50. DON’T WAIT FOR YOUR TURN TO SPEAK. Be assertive. Interrupt!
51. DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU CAN’T.
52. DON’T LET REJECTION OR CRITICISM DETROY YOU. Learn and move on
53. TAKE RISKS IN LOVE…..
54. NERDS NEED LOVING TOO. Look for a good man with a good heart, who is keen, clean and not mean, and generous in all things material and spiritual.
55. YOU WILL BE DISAPPOINTED, move on.
56. SUCESS IS NOT FOREVER, you have to keep working hard to maintain it.
57. DON’T MISLEAD OR LIE  – it is a bad road to take.
58. LONG-TERM LOVE IS MORE EASILY FOUND WITH A FRIEND. 
59. Marry someone of a similar background, and with the SAME CORE VALUES.
60. Someone who cheats with you, will cheat on you, CHEATERS ARE NOT KEEPERS.
61. People respond positively to LOVING, NOT NEEDING.
62. ALWAYS LOOK YOUR BEST, even when you go to the supermarket.
63. Know that EVERYTHING in life is negotiable.
64. Always bring your “A” GAME.
65. LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION, it’s your internal alarm system.
66. Always keep your DOORS LOCKED at home and in the car.
67. NEVER ACT LIKE A MAN to get what you want, use your feminine power, it wont make you weak.
68. SMILE, to show joy or amusement, not to please others.
69. NEVER GO AGAINST YOUR CORE VALUES.
70. There is a PRICE TO PAY for everything
71. NOTHING AND NO ONE IS PERFECT. Even Prince Charming has bad breath in the morning.
72. ADMIT MISTAKES, make amends and move on.
73. Know how TO TAKE A COMPLIMENT - always say “thank you”.
74. DON’T BELIEVE YOUR OWN PRESS – good or bad.
75. SELL YOURSELF  – no one can do it better than you!
76. IT’S OK TO CRY. My good friend Juliette says tears gets rid of excess salt
77. BE AUTHENTIC, it’s better to be a real version of yourself than an imitation of someone else.
78. SET YOUR OWN AGENDA and stick to it.
79. BREAK THE RULES (NOT THE LAW), AND MAKE YOUR OWN RULES.
80. DO THE UNEXPECTED, don’t let others expectations rule your behavior.
81. BE UNFORGETTABLE, in a good way.
82. QUESTION EVERYTHING – but don’t waste too much time on unninportant lies
83. Learn to CONTROL YOUR MOOD - don’t stay angry or sad.
84. PROJECT STRENGTH with your body language – stand up straight!
85. KNOW HOW TO MAKE A LIVING, doing a few different things.
86. PERFECTION ISN’T THAT GREAT, remember it’s OK to draw outside the lines.
87. BE CREATIVE in everything you do.
88. TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF, before taking care of others, put on your oxygen mask first.
89. YOU DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING and that’s OK.
90. YOU CAN’T CONTROL EVERYTHING, let go.
91. When buying HIGH HEELS AND BOOTS buy a size larger.
92. CORRECT METHOD FOR PUTTING ON A BRA, lean over and grab the side of your breast until it fits properly in your bra cup repeat on both sides.
93. STAY HEALTHY, it’s your responsibility.
94. NEVER DO BUSINESS WITH A WOMANIZER, he’s too busy chasing girls.
95. In a relationship you must PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR PARTNER.
96. Learn to apply MAKE-UP WITHOUT A MIRROR.
97. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY, feed it when it’s hungry, let it rest when it is tired.
98. BE GRATEFUL.
99. LAUGH AT YOURSELF…… we all make blunders, no one is perfect.
100. WAIT FOR THE REAL THING…. NEVER SETTLE.

If you have more advice to add please do so in the comments – I would love to include it in my list!

Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise. ~ Joan Rivers